Stress Warning!
The following contains material relating to domestic violence, sexual assault, harassment, rape, abortion, and trauma in no particular order, which may be triggering to victims and survivors.
This is how to not get raped | This is how to walk at night when you see a shadow coming but it doesn’t look like it’s from someone who will rape you | This is how to walk at night when you are unsure if the person walking slyly behind you might be a rapist but you do not want to offend them by running or inspire them to harm you by walking slowly either | This is how to cross to the other side of the road if you see someone who looks like a rapist following you | This is how you run if you are certain that they will rape you | This is why you need to lose weight to be able to run fast | This is why you should be fat so you won’t be appealing to any rapist | This is why your body size won’t really matter to someone who wants to rape you | This is how you hold your phone tight with your finger ready to make an emergency call if they grab your body | This is how you hold a key between your ring finger and your middle finger or your middle finger and your index finger just in case someone grabs you | This is where to jab their skin with your key to hurt them first | This is why you need to always carry a pepper spray | This is the best place to put the pepper spray in your bag | This is how to fight if someone grabs you | This is how to fight if there is more than one rapist | This is how to kick, punch, and bite | This is how to scream, yell, cry or blow a rape whistle if you have one | This is how to be rescued if someone hears you | This is how to stay calm if no one is coming to rescue you | This is the grocery store you go into for safety | This is how to call a cab if you are in an area susceptible to rapists | This is how to fight the cab driver kidnapping you while trying to escape a rapist | This is how fighting your rapist or kidnapper increases your survival chances | These are the other things you will need to survive if you are raped or escape being raped | This is how a rapist looks | This is how a rapist could also look | You can’t really tell if someone is a rapist just by looking at them but you should trust your instincts | Your rapist could look like family | Your rapist could be family | This is how to prepare for being raped | This is how to avoid being raped | This is how to dress to not get raped | This is how to dress to get raped | This is how to look to not incite rape | This is how to dress to seduce someone who will respect you and ask for your consent compared to seducing someone to rape you | This is why you should not go out at night alone | This is why you should not go out at night at all | This is why you could also be raped in daylight | This is why you should stay in your house more often | This is how to fight if a rapist comes into your house | This is how to fight if the rapist lives in your house | This is how it can still be rape even if you were already sleeping with the person in your house | “If you were already fucking them how can they rape you?” | This is where to put the knife near your bed | This is how to avoid being raped if you go to the club | This is how to drink to be smarter than a rapist | This is what to drink when you are at a party to avoid being raped | This is what not to drink | This is how to not get hurt if you are being raped | This is how to not struggle so the rape won’t “hurt that much” | This is how to consent to rape | This is how to react to rape | This is how to talk about rape | This is how to be silent about rape | This is who to tell if you get raped | This is why you should not tell your parents about it | This is who to tell if it is your parent that raped you | This is who to tell if it is a family member that raped you | This is why they will call a family meeting instead of calling the police | This is why you should not tell your friends about it | This is how to answer the question “were you raped?” or “were you raped-raped? | This is the difference between being raped and being “raped-raped” | This is why people will ask more about your virginity if you were raped | “It can’t be rape if you are not a virgin” | This is why they may not have meant to rape you | This is why consent doesn’t necessarily matter because “Some people just like things tough and rough and consent just kills the vibe” | This is why you should only talk to God about it | “If you believe in God, why didn’t He protect you from your rapist?” | This is why “being raped could have been part of God’s plans for you” | This is why God will forgive your rapist | This is why you should forgive your rapist | This is why you should report to the police | This is why you shouldn’t report to the police | This is why your silence will give your rapist another opportunity | This is why your voice won’t matter even if your rapist is found | This is how to report your rapist if they are famous | This is how to not report a rapist if they are famous | This is why it will seem like you are blackmailing them | This is what to wear in court so your rapist will look guilty | This is the politically correct way to discuss your rape on social media | This is the hashtag to use | #metoo | #metoomovement | #saynotorape | This is when to come out about your rape experience | “Have you considered joining that rape-survival group?” | “Have you also considered learning boxing or karate just in case anything happens to you?” | This is how to educate people on how to react to your rape | This is the most sensitive way to tell them to not ask you stupid questions or make suggestions that you have already considered | This is how to be emotional about it | This is how to not be too emotional about it | This is how to look on the bright side after being raped | This is the bright side of being raped | This is how to abort a child after being raped | This is why you shouldn’t abort a child that comes from rape | This is why it shouldn’t be your choice to abort a child that comes from rape | This is how the child can be a blessing | This is why the child is a curse | This is how to explain to your child that they were a product of rape | This is how to be positive about it | This is how to not be a rape-ingrate | This is why you should call yourself a “rape survivor” and not a “rape victim” | This is why you should say “the rapist” instead of “my rapist” | This is how to not be too positive about your rape so people won’t think you wanted it | This is what to think to take enough responsibility for your rape | This is how to take the responsibility for your rape while your rapist takes the blame | This is the difference between “taking responsibility” and “taking the blame” | This is why you must move on | “It is time to move on!” | This is how to move on | This is not how to move on | This is how to believe that the past is the past even if your rape uncontrollably causes flashbacks at unexpected hours | This is how to act as if the past is the past even though you still cross paths with your rapist | This is how you act as if they didn’t rape you because they act as if they didn’t rape you | This is how to write rape poems | This is how to write rape stories | This is how to write rape jokes | This is the best comedian with rape jokes | This is how to laugh about rape jokes | This is how to laugh but not too hard so that it doesn’t trigger a rape victim | This is how to not take rape jokes too seriously | This is how to support another person who has been raped | This is how to not get triggered by their rape story | This is how to be close enough to help but not too close that their depression rubs off on you | This is how to tell your rape story to comfort another rape victim | This is when you show them your rape poem | This is how you’ll see your body after being raped | This is why you feel trapped in your body as a rape victim | This is why you want to let go of your body to release yourself | This is why you shouldn’t “commit suicide” | This is why it feels like someone stole something from you that you can’t quite place a finger on | This is what they snatched from you | This is how to try to get it back | This is how to take your power back as a rape victim | This is why it is not possible to get whatever they took back | This is what to settle for if you can’t get exactly what they took from you back | This is how much a rape case settlement costs | This is how to make friends with other victims of your rapist | This is what to talk about other than your rapist | This is what to not talk about so you don’t obsess about your rape | This is how to confide in yourself when there is no one else to hear your story | This is how to love yourself after being raped | This is how a rape victim searches for love | This is how a rape victim avoids falling in love with someone who reminds them of their rapist | This is why a rape victim avoids falling in love with their self | This is how a rape victim forgets themselves to avoid remembering their rapist | This is how to not love someone as a rape victim | This is how to let someone love you if you have been raped | This is how to love a rape victim | This is how to not love a rape victim | This is how to know if your lover has been a rape victim | This is why they won’t let you touch them | This is why they won’t let you touch them “like that” | This is how you hold them in a way that doesn’t feel like their rapist’s touch | This is why they shiver when you touch them “like that” | This is how to get them to tell you about their rape | This is why you need to be patient for them to tell you at their own time | This is how to listen to their rape story | This is what to look for in an authentic rape story | This is what makes an authentic rape story | “But many people lie about being raped just because…” | If it doesn’t sound like the other rape stories, “is it an authentic rape story?” | This is why you should feel empathy for a rape victim | This is why you should feel empathy because “it could have been your daughter, sister, mother or you” | This is what to say to comfort them | This is what not to say to comfort them | This is how to suggest solutions to their rape experience | This is how to say “I understand” and truly mean it when you have not been raped before | This is how to tell them “Avoid being raped the next time” without hurting their feelings | This is how to divert the conversation if it makes you feel really uncomfortable | This is how to teach them to protect themselves | This is how to tell them you’ll protect them | This is how you protect them | This is how you protect them in a way that it doesn’t feel suffocating to them | This is how to believe them | This is why you should believe them | This is why you shouldn’t believe them | This is why believing them is what makes their rape story valid | There is always a good ending to a good rape story | This is why they got raped.
Author’s Biography:
Oyindamola Shoola is a feminist, book reviewer, blogger, and the author of 5 books. She is also the Co-founder and CEO of Sprinng Literary Movement, a non-profit dedicated to supporting developing Nigerian Writers. In 2017 & 2018 she was awarded by Nigerian Writers Award as one of the top 100 influential Nigerian Writers under the age of 40.
Oyindamola Shoola is a student at New York University in her final year, studying Organizational Behavior and Change.
Her books, “The Silence We Eat,” “Now I Want to Remember,” and “But Here You Are” can be downloaded as a free pdf on her blog: www.shoolaoyin.com
Her other books, “Heartbeat” and “To Bee a Honey” can be purchased on Amazon and at Roving Heights Bookstore.
Wow. Wow. Wow.
This is how to write brilliantly about rape.